Long Engagements

Weddings are ridiculous. I mean it.

But this doesn't mean I don't love them. I wouldn't be in a friggin' wedding string quartet if I didn't enjoy the vicarious thrill of watching other people get married, and contributing something to their happy day. I wouldn't look at so many wedding blogs and bask in the beautiful outcome of all the stress and planning. But as I begin to plan my own, I find many years' worth of buried ambivalence about the wedding industry and all of the conspicuous spending that goes into one's "big day."

I got engaged on June 6^th, 2009. I realize that’s over a year ago. Most girls would have had the wedding by now! After all, it will have been two years (perhaps more!) by the time we finally tie the knot. People ask you constantly about when you'll set the date, and you encounter scrutiny for holding off. It's as though there's something wrong with a long engagement, as though it reflects negatively on you as a couple and conceals some sort of dramatic relationship issues. Being engaged in our culture is something that is seen as ephemeral; running the gauntlet to get to the aisle.

I like to think of our engagement as an important process, a transitional phase that will prepare us for many other transitions throughout marriage. After all, in the midst of all the chaos of making a guest list and budget and booking one's vendors, I have to become a bride. I have to ready myself for a legally binding commitment to love for a lifetime. I have seen so many women who seem to forget themselves in the details; the ceremony floral arrangements, the paper aisle runner, the napkin rings. I see so many women wrapped up in throwing the lavish party where they get to play princess for a day.

I am not saying these women always approach marriage lightly (though that is also quite prevalent in our culture). However, I am saying that their preparations for the wedding day are largely based on the superficial aesthetics.

I wanted to take time to write and reflect on our vows and their enormity and weight. I wanted to use this transition to really think through the meaning of commitment and what that means for us. I want to use this time to think and to question and to examine tradition. I want to question Canon in D down the aisle, the pristine white David's Bridal strapless ballgown, 1 Corinthians 13, saving the top tier of your wedding cake for your first anniversary.

However, this doesn't make me a cynic. Seeing a groom get choked up will get me, every time. I love the vows-even the standard ones. I love how weddings bring together so much love and support. I love the party. I love the anticipation of the groom before his bride walks down the aisle. I have been lucky enough to witness these moments dozens of times. But it's a terrifying journey (particularly financially).

Walk with me?