Amen!

Just go read it, especially if you're a fellow bride. Offbeat Bride writes a wonderful denouncement of the word "tacky"

Brides all over wedding websites worry that their nontraditional wedding will be "tacky." But this term is so meaningless because it's all about context. Just as I know I could never hold a 300 guest soiree in a ballroom downtown with 6 foot tall centerpieces and an all white cake and Canon in D to walk down the aisle...lots of brides do just that. Most of the weddings I play have most of those elements. And you know what? As much as my quartet will occasionally judge (we love silently judging the guests who wear too-short minidresses with spindly little stripper heels), we mostly celebrate what was beautiful: the bride beaming as she walks down the aisle, the groom tearing up during the vows.

I just wish I had given myself a little less grief when I was searching for my wedding dress and getting so upset because I felt like a "bad bride." The wedding industry is sneaky, and very very good at making you feel like you have to do things a certain way. This article is a reminder that nobody is a bad bride. If you want to cosplay at your wedding as elves from the Lord of the Rings, and have your wedding bands engraved with "One ring to rule them all...in holy matrimony," go for it. The people who love you will likely see these ideas as so unmistakably you, and they will love you all the more for expressing yourselves in your wedding planning.

Invite Suite: RSVP Cards

In deciding to design and print my own invites, I knew it would be a lot of work, but I didn't expect the process I have gone through (the countless hours, and I'm not even done yet!). Case in point: the RSVP cards. Just a simple little card with which to reply and tell us you're coming, right?

Well, you know me. I have about 3 different designs mocked up with multiple fonts. You have to play around to see what works (or, at least, I do, since I'm not a trained graphic designer and I need to see different combinations to know what will look best).

Here is one such version. This was the starting point, a vintage french soap label with the text removed.

Which I then took and made a "backside" which extended the open space for text:

Then I had to settle on RSVP wording. I don't want to simply have a "yes" and "no," so I looked up all sorts of different ways to word the card. Some were overly cutesy ("I'll be there with bells on" and "Can't make it, but heard there will be people wearing bells"), some were silly ("I'll be there come rain or come shine!" "Sorry, out of umbrellas and sunscreen.") and others were stupid (many of them). 

Since the wedding is so vintage themed, I wanted something classic without being boring, and a little elegant. I settled on using "in body" for yes and "in spirit" for no. I like it.

So, then it was time to play with fonts.

...And several versions later, it was getting frustrating. I then decided the images needed something even more visual, so I thought putting a little divider or image between the two sections would help:

They're definitely cute. But the diamond seems a little out of place with the rest of the image. So then I went for background images, which consisted of three steps:

1) Dig up my old letterpress image files from briarpress.org
2) Open them up individually in GIMP (freeware photoshop-type program), add an alpha channel, select all the white in the image, then clear to make a transparent background.
3) Add the transparent image as a new layer to the RSVP card, and edit the opacity of the image to make it lighter and put it behind the text.

The result of all this was that I ended up with two that I liked:

What do you think? I think both are pretty great, it's just tough deciding. Perhaps once the other pieces fall into place, one will look better with the other elements. 

I know it's weird to design such a small part of the paper goods first, but I was just drawn to this image and it screamed RSVP card to me for some reason. I couldn't tell you why. This isn't to say these are the RSVP cards, end of story. By the time the invites are done I might go with something completely different.

Note to all fellow brides: DIY IS HARD. Just so you know. I am undertaking all this because I am stubborn and it's a labor of love, but don't think it isn't insane of me.

The Wedding Dress Saga, part 2

I am in better spirits from my last post. I received a great deal of commiseration from other engaged friends as well as many kind words and suggestions. I had decided, tentatively, to go the custom route. I started sketching away different styles of bodices and skirts, trying to pin down exactly what I was looking for. I scoured etsy.com, looking at the handmade dresses available on there (there are a lot to choose from on their site, and many have a simple, clean aesthetic that runs counter to the overly-beaded confections in the bridal salons).

Sketches!

More Sketches!

So I had started trying to figure out what I was looking for.

Then I went bridesmaid dress shopping. My friend Kristen is getting married on my birthday this year, and I am considered an extension of the bridal party (I am in the string quartet, so I can't walk down the aisle or anything, but I get to go to the bachelorette party and wear the dress and stuff).

This one is pretty awful. It's one of those where
you can tie it dozens of ways, but I think they're
just super unflattering.

Me doing the LeBron "witness" pose.

I actually liked this dress with the contrasting sash. 

Cute!

Me with the bride-to-be!

So we went to two dress shops in Rocky River. The first was good to try; the saleslady was really patient and walked us through each designer. She really took her time with us. It was awesome!

But the second shop, Leonardo's, had wedding dresses as well. After finding several bridesmaid dresses we really liked, Kristen told me to try on some wedding dresses for kicks. She had never gone dress shopping herself, having gone with an awesome, nontraditional red dress. So we both tried on some pretty insane dresses:

Ummmm...what?

 This dress was so heavy! When I took it off the hanger, it stood up by itself. I spent a few minutes staring, trying to figure out a plan of attack. "Do I step into it and hope my foot finds the floor through seven layers of skirt and crinoline, or do I burrow up from underneath?"

I ended up burrowing, and I don't think I will ever have so much fabric on my body ever again. For those of you who have never really thought about wedding dresses, picture yourself in this one. Now, picture yourself walking forward, trying to bring the skirt along with you gracefully. Not going to happen. The zillions of beads on the bodice don't help. If I wanted a skirt that big, I would want a really simple top part of the dress so the voluminous skirt could get all the attention.

I was lucky enough that this dress was captured at a very flattering angle.

This dress looked amazing on, and many friends on Facebook tried to convince me that I should wear this one. I don't disagree that it looked good, but it isn't the right dress for me.

1) It's strapless. I don't want strapless, no matter how tailored it is to my body. I would still be tugging it up all night, right? I don't want to deal with that!
2) It had a huge train on it. I am getting married outside, on a shuffleboard court. Also, shortening the train wasn't really an option because of how the lace is constructed.

I do like the picture though!

However, amidst the fun time trying on different dresses, I got to talking with one of the bridal consultants about what I was looking for in a dress. She brought several over to me and I tried them all on. Suddenly, one of them just felt right. I stepped out in it, everybody reacted to it and told me it looked like me. I looked in the mirror and said "I am getting married in this."

Case closed. I found my dress when I wasn't even looking for it! It was a sample and they were having a March madness sale at the salon, so I saved a boatload. Plus? The dress I tried on is MY dress. I don't have to worry about waiting several months for the dress to come in. I can go and visit it any time I want, and I plan on doing so to snap some better pictures to help me accessorize (the fun part!!!).

I will not, however, be posting the dress anywhere public. I don't want John to see it before the wedding day! So I will not spill too many details about the dress' design other than to say the lace was unlike anything I had ever seen, it was a beautiful ivory color over a champagne lining, and I just adored it.

So the awful, multi-week search is over. After going to far too many bridal salons, I finally found something simple that fits my style.

Wedding Dress Woes

I can't sleep. I had a weird day. I think I want to write a little bit and talk about it.

My mother called me this morning and said that we should go wedding dress shopping. I said sure, but inwardly, I had mixed feelings. I was glad to go and to have a chance to check out several places, but I was dreading the experience simultaneously. I know this is not the reaction I am supposed to be having. I should be excited to find my wedding dress. I predicted it long ago; the search for the wedding dress was going to be frustrating, because I hate almost all that I've seen on other brides. Perhaps I set myself up for failure. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, right? Surely at these bridal salons, they carry a wider range of dresses than just the strapless, beaded-bodice ballgowns or the fit and flare mermaid styles that lace up the back, right? So I set out with a mixture of hope and apprehension.

My dad, who was with us, sensed my unease. He suggested lunch before I had the dress-blitz at the various bridal salons on the west side. So we had lunch at an awesome little tea parlor. A good cup of earl grey helped steel me for the rest of the day.

We headed to a giant bridal store that felt like a warehouse. As soon as we walked in, a lady was incredibly sweet to us. Even though we didn't have an appointment, she insisted it was fine and kept telling me that I was going to be "spoiled" by the attention of a personal bridal consultant. So we were invited to browse while we waited to meet with our consultant. We wandered the store, but I was immediately overwhelmed. The store is huge, and there are many, many rooms full of frothy, beaded, huge confections of gowns. I found myself not wanting to dig. This wasn't like going thrifting; I wasn't excited as I pulled out gown after gown with gaudy, poorly-sewn on beading. Everything seemed like it was strapless, or overdone in some way: pretty, but then they ruined it by adding just a little too much lace or a giant beaded buckle or a huge train.

I decided to have a seat and wait to meet with my consultant, who could perhaps help find things that fit what I did want: vintage-y, off-white, preferably with interesting lace, not beaded, not strapless, floor length but no train that would drag on the ground since I'm getting married outside. As for straps vs. sleeves, I was open. Even the fullness of the skirt was something I was willing to wait and see, though I envisioned something more streamlined.

Our consultant was chipper and petite. I told her what I liked, sort of what I was looking for, and she basically flat out said, "Well, we don't have anything like that." But she pulled several dresses for me anyway. I was grateful to hole up in the bridal room and have things brought to me so I didn't have to dig through the racks.

I tried on lots of dresses. Many of them were pretty in and of themselves, but putting them on, they didn't seem like me. Many of the ones at the first place were super small, though, where I couldn't even zip them, or could barely breathe if I did manage to get them closed. I felt like Bridal Barbie; stiff but covered in pouffy layers of tulle and silk and lace. My mom was frustrated because she felt like she couldn't get a sense of how things looked when I couldn't even get them closed. Her being frustrated made me feel awkward in what was already an awkward situation. It was basically my mom and I and this chipper salesgirl, me in a bra that has actually become too large for me (apparently I have lost weight?) and that would bunch out beneath the too-tight dresses. PS: I am not a large girl. If these were their sample sizes, then their regular clientele is apparently related to Twiggy.

Also, whenever I told anybody my wedding date, they acted like I was so last minute. "Well, these dresses take 5-8 months to get in, so you really should be ordering now." That made me feel bad about myself. Bad bride. You should have been dress shopping in November and December. I'm thinking "I didn't even have a wedding date set until mid-November, and then I was finishing Ph.D applications and worrying about passing my recital qualifying jury."

There were more bad bride moments. Although everybody at the places I went was extremely cheerful and willing to pull lots of different styles for me, nothing really fit my initial specifications, and I started feeling more and more embarrassed: for not liking the typical styles, for having to parade out to those little platforms and stand and be scrutinized, for the salesladies complimenting my figure and telling me all those flattering things about how the dresses looked made for me even off the rack, for not taking more joy in this process. I guess I'm more modest than I realized? Seeing myself in curve hugging mermaid gowns made me uncomfortable. Walking with a huge swath of fabric in my wake made me feel gangly and awkward (aka "gawkward"), like when I got my first pair of combat boots in high school and teetered around on their four-inch platforms, but tried to act like I could walk in them just fine.

The salesladies would hand me a strapless dress and say "Now, we can add a sleeve to this in alterations." They would hand me a dress with a huge train and say, "We can bustle this up so it won't trail when you walk." They would hand me a dress dripping with beading and say, "Look how pretty it sparkles." I said, "I'm hoping to have the bling be in my jewelry and keep the dress less sparkly" and they would say "Well, don't do a lot of jewelry with any of these. These dresses already have a lot going on." I wanted to scream "I know! That's why I wanted something without beading in the first place!" I tried to take their advice to heart and focus on the overall look of the dress. I started having thoughts in my head like "Well, this has about 1,000 sequins on it, but maybe I could sit at home with a seam ripper and remove every last one so that just the lace is left. Would it look ok without all the sparkles?"

Listen, I came to girl world late. I grew up preferring my brother's legos to the insulting pastel "girl legos" my parents bought me. I had Barbies that I only played with when friends came over and wanted to play with dolls. I didn't grow up envisioning my wedding day, picturing myself in a frothy white dress, dancing the waltz for my first dance, with a five-tiered round white cake and Canon in D to take me down the aisle.

I jumped in to bride world in 2009 when I got engaged. I started looking on wedding blogs, and I got excited. I saw that not every bride had that cookie-cutter look; couples were having such amazing celebrations by putting their own stamp on the day. And their dresses were amazing. Some were designer dreams, but many more were simple, vintage, perfection. I started thinking, I can do this. I can get married on my own terms in a dress that doesn't make me feel like a cupcake or a Disney princess. Or, a little like a cupcake, but an authentic, 50s sort of cupcake with swiss dot netting and a sweetheart neckline.

I feel like a bad bride. Every step of the way I've been at odds with myself; I want things laid back and focused on John and I, but I want things to be special and beautiful because this is the only wedding I ever plan on having and I want to be able to look back on it and smile and be happy with my photos of the little details. I want to use my talents and make beautiful things and keep it simple, but I want things to be gorgeous and not look low budget or tacky or plain.

I want to feel beautiful in my dress, and not like a little girl playing dress up. I want to wear something that feels like MY wedding dress. I want to put on that dress and know it's the right one.

Am I buying too much into the wedding complex, here? I wasn't expecting to jump up and down and start crying like many of the girls I saw at the salons today. But shouldn't there be an aha! moment? Just a little one? One where you put a dress on, look in the mirror, and say to yourself, "This is my dress. I'm going to get married in this."