Wedding registries are awkward. That's all there is to it. Perhaps some people are better with asking for large quantities of things, but I've found the process baffling and the cause of a great deal of second-guessing.
I covet items, but when it comes time to make a list (birthday, Christmas), I fritter away my time editing myself. Editing my desires, cutting so as not to appear too greedy. I don't know why I get so weird about asking for things. I keep running wishlists and favorites lists all the time. But for some reason I feel strange about bringing other people into that world.
Much of the second guessing comes from fighting the wedding industrial complex: looking at lists of what we're "supposed" to register for is daunting and makes us question our future lifestyle. Will we ever throw a cocktail party? A wine and cheese night? A holiday meal for family?
Martha Stewart tells me all sorts of things. Let's look at just one category: table linens. I am supposedly supposed to think about registering for cocktail napkins (which are apparently six inches), luncheon napkins (20 inches) to dinner napkins (24 inches). Then there's the tablecloth. I'm supposed to measure my table, get the tablecloths, undercloths, and runners. And don't forget about placemats!
Dana thinks to self, "I like our tables' beautiful wood stain, so why would I want a tablecloth on it?" Then she thinks to self, "Who uses the word luncheon anymore? It sounds so fifties! Maybe I should start referring to it as luncheon. Is that pretentious? ...I don't need three different types of cloth napkins!"
Good God!
The other thing that boggles my mind is registering for new china. This bothers me on so many levels:
- 1) One of the selling points of fine china is that it will be an heirloom set. So where's your heirloom? Why are you instead thinking of registering for a brand new set? Why not just get your family's china and actually use it instead of locking it in a cabinet all year? This is related to the idea that you'll wear your mother's wedding dress. Some do, but most seem to want something new. The whole heirloom thing seems like total BS to me. You have no idea what your kids' tastes will be. And, in my experience, heirlooms aren't the expensive things; they're the well-loved, utilitarian, absurd, mundane little things you don't expect to be important.
- Most people are terrified to even use their china since it's fragile and fine. So it sits collecting dust (I'm a firm believer in lighting the candlesticks, no matter the occasion). This seems so wasteful.
- With all the unloved china in the world, there's got to be an abundance in antique shops that you could find if you really wanted that classic look. Or estate sales. Or garage sales. Or vintage shops. Besides, it would be more fun to hunt down and you're more likely to use it and love it.
I know this isn't universal-many couples in our generation eschew the china thing entirely in favor of sturdier, more everyday pieces. But
every registry list suggests it, so I wanted to share my thoughts on it.
I say all this, but I am not against the registry process. I know people who refuse to register altogether, saying they don't want to be tied to a corporation or they don't need all this crap. We are not those people. I personally think it's a good thing (particularly as a wedding guest) to know what the couple truly wants and will love and use. When I've gone to weddings, I like knowing that I can help them set up house. John and I have lived together for over a year now, so we already have many of the essentials as avid cooks. We have nice knives from a restaurant supply store; a huge, sturdy stockpot, food processor, blender, toaster, microwave, coffee grinder, ice cream maker, deep fryer.
We have many of the things that people would put on their registries. This gives us some freedom. We want to replace some hand-me-downs; our wok is old and everything always sticks to it no matter how much oil I try to use in stir-fry. Many of our bowls are plastic, and our plates were from a garage sale.
We want to register for some replacements, some beloved, beautiful objects, and some silly things. I think our personality is going to show through when people see a dinosaur muffin pan on the list or the thinkgeek Super Mario wall graphics (done, and done!). We ultimately went with Target, Amazon Universal Wishlist, and Traveler's Joy (a honeymoon registry). Hopefully needing less stuff will mean that our loved ones help us take a honeymoon we'll never forget and would never take otherwise!
What do you think of registries? Are they tacky? Are they helpful? What sorts of things would you register for?
