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| The program cover, which matched the recipe card attached to our vanilla extract favors. |
I was inspired to share our wedding ceremony for several reasons. First, one of my favorite bloggers, Kathryn of Snippet and Ink, did the same after she got married. I also read this ceremony which stopped me in my tracks on Peonies and Polaroids; it's one of the most beautiful wedding ceremonies I'd ever seen. Those were always some of my favorite posts on any wedding blog I followed. Wedding blogs typically focus on the beautiful images, the plethora of photographers and weddings to feature and inspire brides in their planning. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's surprisingly difficult to find sources for ceremonies and unique ceremony readings.
I did a lot of digging, so much so that I can scarcely remember where everything came from. I reread most of my books of poetry, hoping to glean wedding readings I hadn't thought of before. I read forum posts and researched the history of wedding traditions to explain them in the service.
From the moment we got engaged I knew the ceremony was important to me. What's more, I wanted to write parts of it, personalize it, and make it special. There's nothing wrong with going with a traditional or religious ceremony and having the officiant handle it, if you feel a connection to those traditions. I am a girl that loves vintage but doesn't accept every tradition at face value. We incorporated what felt right to us ("With this ring, I thee wed."), added things that fit into our tastes and our views (the ring warming ceremony, substituting a long Walt Whitman reading before the vows), and subtracted some things that we didn't like (the garter toss, saving the top tier of wedding cake, the unity candle).
I had many guests tell me that our ceremony was beautiful and seemed to be a perfect expression of us as a couple. That's the highest praise I could ask for, because it was our intent and I'm so glad everybody was able to share in those words and actions with us. It is, after all, the entire point of the wedding day!
So, I give you our wedding ceremony, with some notes along the way.
The Marriage Celebration of Dana and John
I did a lot of digging, so much so that I can scarcely remember where everything came from. I reread most of my books of poetry, hoping to glean wedding readings I hadn't thought of before. I read forum posts and researched the history of wedding traditions to explain them in the service.
From the moment we got engaged I knew the ceremony was important to me. What's more, I wanted to write parts of it, personalize it, and make it special. There's nothing wrong with going with a traditional or religious ceremony and having the officiant handle it, if you feel a connection to those traditions. I am a girl that loves vintage but doesn't accept every tradition at face value. We incorporated what felt right to us ("With this ring, I thee wed."), added things that fit into our tastes and our views (the ring warming ceremony, substituting a long Walt Whitman reading before the vows), and subtracted some things that we didn't like (the garter toss, saving the top tier of wedding cake, the unity candle).
I had many guests tell me that our ceremony was beautiful and seemed to be a perfect expression of us as a couple. That's the highest praise I could ask for, because it was our intent and I'm so glad everybody was able to share in those words and actions with us. It is, after all, the entire point of the wedding day!
So, I give you our wedding ceremony, with some notes along the way.
The Marriage Celebration of Dana and John
August 6th, 2011
The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. -Allan K. Chalmers
To Gene Plank, Jack Plank, John Blasko, Edna Blasko, and William O'Bryan, who could not be with us today:
Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.
Prelude-The Rockport Strings
This is my string quartet, and I orchestrated/arranged all of the music for the ceremony with the exception of the Andrews Sisters song in the Processional, which John arranged for me in order to feel more connected to the music for the ceremony (awwww).
I Will The Beatles
Eight Days a Week The Beatles
Do You Want To Know A Secret The Beatles
In My Life The Beatles
A Kiss to Build a Dream On Louie Armstrong
Because The Beatles
Dream a Little Dream of Me The Mamas and the Papas
Processional
I’ll Be With You in Apple Blossom Time The Andrews Sisters (arr. by John!)
Jóga Björk
How awesome is it that I walked down the aisle to Björk?! John is the one that finally talked me into doing this, because I was waffling and thinking of going with all swing music or all Beatles, but I couldn't seem to find the right song to walk to. I loved the Björk, but didn't know if it would feel out of place since I couldn't really find anything else that fit with it. John finally said, "How many people have Bjork in their wedding?" He thought it was so awesome, and I had to agree that it had been the frontrunner from the start.
The intro has such weight and presence, which is a nice touch for a bride. The best bridal processionals have a little intro, a moment to alert the guests to stand (our guests were standing the whole time, but you know what I mean). I like how it's a love song, but slightly bent to one side: "All these accidents that happen, follow the dots, coincidence makes sense only with you."
How awesome is it that I walked down the aisle to Björk?! John is the one that finally talked me into doing this, because I was waffling and thinking of going with all swing music or all Beatles, but I couldn't seem to find the right song to walk to. I loved the Björk, but didn't know if it would feel out of place since I couldn't really find anything else that fit with it. John finally said, "How many people have Bjork in their wedding?" He thought it was so awesome, and I had to agree that it had been the frontrunner from the start.
The intro has such weight and presence, which is a nice touch for a bride. The best bridal processionals have a little intro, a moment to alert the guests to stand (our guests were standing the whole time, but you know what I mean). I like how it's a love song, but slightly bent to one side: "All these accidents that happen, follow the dots, coincidence makes sense only with you."
Welcome
Opening Prayer
We thank you God for this most amazing day
For the leaping greenly spirits of the trees
And for the blue true dream of sky; and for everything
Which is natural which is infinite which is yes
ee cummings
I liked this little verse instead of a more traditional opening prayer. I like how it incorporates nature since we were outside in such a beautiful landscape.
Declaration of Intent
Do you, John, take Dana to be your wife, and will you love her faithfully and without reservation, no matter what?
When John said I do, our officiant said "I thought you might say that."
When John said I do, our officiant said "I thought you might say that."
Do you, Dana, take John to be your husband, and will you love him faithfully and without reservation, no matter what?
I said, "Absolutely" and then John and I high fived. It wasn't really planned, but it sort of fit us perfectly. Everybody laughed and I smile to think about it.
Our officiant also ad-libbed a lot. He added in a line here where he asked the guests to affirm that they will do all they can to uphold our marriage. I am so glad he included it, since I didn't think to write anything specific, but I love the sentiment that it takes a village and it takes the love and support of your family and friends to strengthen your bonds.
Presentation of the Bride
Officiant: Who gives this woman to marry this man?
Bride’s Parents: She comes of her own accord, with the full support of her mother and me.
Bride’s Parents: She comes of her own accord, with the full support of her mother and me.
My mom joined my hand to John's as a symbolic gesture so it wasn't just my dad giving me away. My mom didn't think she could make it up the aisle without crying (also the aisle was a little small because the guests had to stand), so we had her meet us at the top. I admit I stole this presentation from Snippet and Ink. I love the recognition that I was giving myself to John, but that the support of my family were important to me as I made that choice.
Readings
Relationships don't work they way they do on television and in the movies. Will they? Won't they? And then they finally do, and they're happy forever. Gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff I have not become a cynic. I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies and, y'know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, because I do believe in it. Bottom line: it's couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it's right, and they're real lucky, one of them will say something.
I was so excited for everybody to hear this "reading." John's best man, our dear friend Andy, did a fantastic job. Not only did he completely channel Dr. Cox, he memorized it! I was so bowled over. He took the mike and introduced it as "A reading from Scrubs." It got a few laughs (esp. the part that mentions the chicken), which is great, but I love how it cuts to the heart of making a relationship work. This wasn't some flowery poem listing how I love thee. It was such a wonderful choice for us.
From “Love Songs of the New Kingdom” trans. John L. Foster
Your love, dear man, is as lovely to me
As sweet soothing oil to the limbs of the restless,
As clean ritual robes to the flesh of the gods,
As fragrance of incense to one coming home
hot from the smells of the street.
It is like berries ripe in the hand,
like the tang of grainmeal mingled with beer,
Like wine to the palate when taken with white bread.
While unhurried days come and go,
Let us turn to each other in quiet affection,
walk in peace to the edge of old age.
And I shall be with you each unhurried day,
a woman given her one wish: to see
For a lifetime the face of her love.
My bridesmaid (and our new roommate!) Priya did a beautiful job on the second reading. She read it with such sincerity and the words sounded so natural. She had a wonderful flow and took her time with it so the words could sink in. I just loved this reading, and loved her presentation of it.
Officiant’s Address/Homily
Exchange of Vows
Vows Adapted from Song of the Open Road by Walt Whitman
Officiant:
Afoot and light-hearted I take to the open road,
Afoot and light-hearted I take to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before me,
The long brown path before me leading wherever I choose.
Henceforth I ask not good fortune, I myself am good fortune,
Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing,
Done with indoor complaints, libraries, querulous criticisms,
Strong and content, I travel the open road.
From this hour I ordain myself loos’d of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master total and absolute,
Listening to others, considering well what they say,
Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.
Allons! The inducements shall be greater,
We will sail pathless and wild seas,
We will go where winds blow, waves dash, and the Yankee clipper speeds by under full sail.
Allons! With power, liberty, the earth, the elements,
Health, defiance, gayety, self-esteem, curiousity;
Allons! From all formules!
The efflux of the soul is happiness, here is happiness,
I think it pervades the open air, waiting at all times,
Now it flows unto us, we are rightly charged.
To see no possession, but you may possess it, enjoying all without labor or purchase, abstracting the feast yet not abstracting one particle of it.
To take the best of the farmer’s farm and the rich man’s elegant villa, and the chaste blessings of the well-married couple, and the fruits of orchards and flowers of gardens.
To take to your use out of the compact cities as you pass through,
To carry buildings and streets with you afterward wherever you go,
To gather the minds of men out of their brains as you encounter them, to gather the love out of their hearts,
To take your lovers on the road with you, for all that you leave them behind you,
To know the universe itself as a road, as many roads, as roads for traveling souls.
Say only to one another:
Dana, I give you my hand!
Dana, I give you my hand!
John: Dana, I give you my hand.
I give you my love, more precious than money,
I give you my love, more precious than money,
John: I give you my love, more precious than money,
I give you myself before preaching or law:
I give you myself before preaching or law:
John: I give you myself before preaching or law.
Will you give me yourself?
Will you give me yourself?
John: Will you give me yourself?
Will you come travel with me?
Will you come travel with me?
John: Will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?
John: Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?
John, I give you my hand!
Dana: John, I give you my hand.
I give you my love, more precious than money,
I give you my love, more precious than money,
Dana: I give you my love, more precious than money,
I give you myself before preaching or law:
I give you myself before preaching or law:
Dana: I give you myself before preaching or law.
Will you give me yourself?
Will you give me yourself?
Dana: Will you give me yourself?
Will you come travel with me?
Will you come travel with me?
Dana: Will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?
Dana: Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?
I was re-reading Leaves of Grass, and returning to Song of the Open Road (a favorite poem of mine), the last lines struck me. It was almost palpable. I said to myself "These are wedding vows. These are our wedding vows."
When I showed them to John, he loved them immediately. But we wanted to incorporate more of the poem, so we both combed over it, selecting our favorite verses and Frankensteining them together. It was such a collaborative effort, and absolutely my favorite section of the ceremony as a result.
Blessing of the Rings/Ring Warming Ceremony
If I Fell The Beatles
The quartet did a beautiful job, vamping and repeating and looping the song when the ceremony took longer than expected. Our guests really took the meaning of the ceremony to heart, and I could see them holding the rings and sending us their prayers and good wishes!
The quartet did a beautiful job, vamping and repeating and looping the song when the ceremony took longer than expected. Our guests really took the meaning of the ceremony to heart, and I could see them holding the rings and sending us their prayers and good wishes!
During this ceremony Dana and John will exchange rings. They have have entrusted the keeping of the rings with John’s best man, Andy Boron. These rings are the visible signs of their commitment to one another.
As this ceremony proceeds we ask that the families of John and Dana take part in the warming of the rings.
We ask that you, their family and friends wish them health and happiness, and all that is noble and good in life.
Andy will now pass these rings to the families of John and Dana and I ask that each family member hold them for a moment, warm them with your love, then pass them on to the next person. I ask that all present voice a silent wish or prayer for this couple, for their marriage and their future together.
When these rings come back to Andy they will contain, in their precious metal, that which is more precious, that which is priceless: your love and hope and pledge of support for this union.
Our officiant took a moment before this reading to explain the significance of wedding bands, and of our particular wedding bands. He spoke a little about history, ad-libbing from a passage I saw here on Peonies and Polaroids.
Wedding rings are the oldest tradition of all, outliving by centuries the white dress and even the “I do.” The first evidence of rings as marital symbols dates back some 5000 years to the deserts of North Africa; Egyptian art depicts wedding rings worn by both husband and wife. The circle shaped hieroglyph stood for eternity, by no means a uniquely Egyptian symbol. The hole in the middle represented a gateway through which the wearer passed into a new partnership that endured even in the afterlife. These early rings were woven from the reeds and grasses that grew along the Nile and typically only lasted a few months before being replaced anew. They wore it as we do, on the third finger of the left hand, believing that it intersected a vein that went straight to the heart. This tradition passed to the Greeks and then the Romans who called it the vena amoris, or vein of love. The vena amoris intersects the upper-right crease of the palm, which soothsayers came to call the “love line.”
He then told the guests how I had made the rings, but that I did so as a tribute to my grandmother, who made my parents' wedding bands, and how I had even used some of her old silver to make John's ring. This part had my Aunt Laura in tears; she was so moved by the inclusion of our family. I explain a little more about the ring warming in this post, if you're interested. I also talk more about the connection to my grandmother and her silversmithing here.
Exchange of Rings
Our officiant went traditional here, and I loved it. We did the whole "With this Ring, I thee wed" bit, which I've always loved. I had a hard time getting the ring on John's finger (couldn't get it over his knuckle), so he had to help me!
Wedding rings are the oldest tradition of all, outliving by centuries the white dress and even the “I do.” The first evidence of rings as marital symbols dates back some 5000 years to the deserts of North Africa; Egyptian art depicts wedding rings worn by both husband and wife. The circle shaped hieroglyph stood for eternity, by no means a uniquely Egyptian symbol. The hole in the middle represented a gateway through which the wearer passed into a new partnership that endured even in the afterlife. These early rings were woven from the reeds and grasses that grew along the Nile and typically only lasted a few months before being replaced anew. They wore it as we do, on the third finger of the left hand, believing that it intersected a vein that went straight to the heart. This tradition passed to the Greeks and then the Romans who called it the vena amoris, or vein of love. The vena amoris intersects the upper-right crease of the palm, which soothsayers came to call the “love line.”
He then told the guests how I had made the rings, but that I did so as a tribute to my grandmother, who made my parents' wedding bands, and how I had even used some of her old silver to make John's ring. This part had my Aunt Laura in tears; she was so moved by the inclusion of our family. I explain a little more about the ring warming in this post, if you're interested. I also talk more about the connection to my grandmother and her silversmithing here.
Exchange of Rings
Our officiant went traditional here, and I loved it. We did the whole "With this Ring, I thee wed" bit, which I've always loved. I had a hard time getting the ring on John's finger (couldn't get it over his knuckle), so he had to help me!
Declaration of Marriage
Embrace and Kiss
Introduction of the Couple
Recessional
Everything Michael Bublé
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